I still fear that same glint in your eye
Your voice still turns my feet to lead
So much time has since passed by
But your words still repeat in my head
I dream of the touch which has caused so much harm
I still feel the dreaded rough skin of your hands
Your name has been carved into my arm
When the memories alone became too much to stand
I tell them I’m fine, but still I obsess
About the times my sister and I were with you
You made me uncomfortable getting undressed
I’m afraid all that they’ve said became true
Your laugh is reflected in my tears
Your face still takes away my wind
Even now after all these years
Your name stills burns in my skin.
Note
Twitter
Facebook
Reddit
Digg
LiveJournal
MySpace
Report a Policy Violation
the news article as well as check out the individual pieces. We understand that each day you may not be able to check out each and every one of the pieces, everyone has their own things going on. We just ask that you make an attempt to help support the growing Literature community.
Follow us on Twitter
Become a fan on Facebook
Comments
First of all, it IS complete. No poem is perfect. And anyone who thinks that their poem is perfect deserves to be locked in a shoe.
Now, about the too few/too many bit, I read it out-loud and I did'nt see it effect the rhythm. I mean, There are too few on contrast with too many in one of two places, but that does'nt matter. Its still got rhythm all the same. Especially when spoken out loud. At my pace anyway.
Okay. I like this one. I dont mean I like the actual content, but the poem structure is good.
Now. I usually say what would be a good change at the end, but I dont write this type of poetry... So you would know more than me. However: There is one thing you could do which would pretty much make it... Thingy.
Stanza 2.
"I dream of the touch which has caused so much harm
I still feel the dreaded rough skin of your hands
Your name has been carved into my arm
When the memories alone became too much to stand"
Now, Im guessing this is going to be the one which you where refering to about having toomany/toolittle in syllables. So. Here's my suggestion.
"I dream of the touch, which has caused so much harm" *Note the Comma.
"When memories alone, become too much to stand" *Again, the comma.
Now, I KNOW this makes the lines themselves longer, but to my it slows down the overall pace of the poem. Thats why I think with those ajustments it should be replaced as the last stanza. But I dunno. Thats just what I would do.
Regardless, I love the poem. Great work.
<3
--
*Hillbilly Gangsta* Fo Shizzle Mah Cotton bearin' pardner.
She walks through the corn leading down to the river
Her hair shone like gold in the hot mornin' sun
--
*Hillbilly Gangsta* Fo Shizzle Mah Cotton bearin' pardner.
She walks through the corn leading down to the river
Her hair shone like gold in the hot mornin' sun
Thanks
Long comment for such a short woman.
<3 x
--
Drain The Blood,
The Heart Is Wise...
--
</3
--
--
*Hillbilly Gangsta* Fo Shizzle Mah Cotton bearin' pardner.
She walks through the corn leading down to the river
Her hair shone like gold in the hot mornin' sun
You Die.
Besides, Christina Ricci is hot.
Yeeowww!
o.O
--
(¯`•._) xMiss_Candicex_♥ x (¯`•._)
--
don't hate for no reason love for all reasons
Okay, unshort woman.
there.
--
Drain The Blood,
The Heart Is Wise...
--
</3
--
Christina Ricci is hot.
Haha you were a dykey seven year old.
jk
Previous Page12Next Page